Bleeding Stats for July

Thought I'd stick my pictorial bleeding chart stats on here for your delectation :) This was my 17 day period for July.

Tampons

Heavy 97

Sodden to the point of being past absorption, falls out when string gently pulled, lands like a broken milk bottle, often accompanied by large and frankly revolting looking clots

Medium 26

Some traces of white left on tampon, may be clots hanging on for grim life but not always, takes a little pull to remove

Light 3

Slightly bloody, generally at least half covered, takes a sharp pull to remove, not many of these as you can see

Towels

Heavy 7

Sodden to the point of leaking out all over clothing and causing “ooo I just sat in something brown” embarrassment, feels as heavy as a sandbag in Upton on Severn, requires careful disposal not to promote leakage

Medium 12

Some traces of white left on towel, could squeeze in a few more ml of blood to the super absorbent core if you were really determined

Light 2

Slightly bloody, looks less like road kill has occurred in one’s pant and more like you’re having a fairly normal monthly bleed

How does that compare ladies – am I making a fuss over nothing? Do tell me if I am :)

X

Fly me to the Mooncup

How many moon references can I think of ... I got a few more up my sleeve for future posts, don't you worry :)

I know you've been all excited, checking every day to see if indeed it is a yummy choccy pud, as uncertain suggested. Now that would be good. I'm sure you've not looked it up on Google like I would have ... well, I'll pretend you don't know and go with a big build up - are you ready???

Here it is - the Mooncup:


Oooo pretty isn't it! Love the little baggy and the pink ribbon.

Now what's inside ... is it a lip gloss? A delicate bracelet??

Ok, open the little bag and what's inside - it's a ...

Hmmmm, now what the heck is that?? Is it a plastic tulip? A baby turkey baster? A tiny bucket for removing flood water??

This should make it obvious...


Can you see that? Yes, it's a reusable menstrual cup!
Of course, you cry! I knew that all along!! How perfectly splendid!!!

Apparently they're big in the States according to my friend Helen - but then uncertain hadn't heard of it - or had you myc? My other friend emailed me and told me that she's been using a similar concept - the Keeper, nice name - for 6 years now. That's 6 years without using, without buying any tampons! That sounds good to me - it'll save me a fortune!! She's been recommending them to all her friends.

Here's the facts, as taken from Mooncup.co.uk:

The Mooncup is a reusable menstrual cup around two inches long and made from soft silicone rubber. It is worn internally like a tampon but collects menstrual fluid rather than absorbing. Unlike tampons the Mooncup is not a disposable product, so you only need to buy one.

It's not disposable, you see, you only buy one and re-use it. Re-use it. Hang on a minute ... how does that work??

The Mooncup can be cleaned in the same way as baby equipment: with sterilising fluid, or by boiling for five minutes in an open pan of water.

Oh I seeee ... you just boil it between uses, or stick it in a baby steriliser. How my gonna do that on a Pendolino to London? How my gonna do that at work, "sorry chaps just gotta boil the kettle to swill out my Mooncup". How my gonna do that at home when I can't leave the comfort of the toilet to head to the kitchen for a spot of sterilising because I'll leave the carpet looking like Jack the Ripper's been reincarnated...

You can still use your Mooncup in Public toilets. Simply take a small bottle
of water into the toilet with you and rinse it with this. Alternatively you
can wipe with toilet paper and give your Mooncup a thorough clean at a more convenient time.

Ahhh that's a bit more like it. In fact that's what my friend suggested, although she can get away with wearing hers for 24 hours on the trot generally.

The Mooncup will hold 30ml of fluid, which is roughly one third of the average total produced each period. A light seal is formed with your vaginal walls allowing your menstrual fluid to pass into the Mooncup without leakage or odour. You will probably find that you need to empty your Mooncup less frequently than you currently replace towels or tampons.

The average total produced each period is 60ml - now that's interesting. That's what appeals to me, not only emptying less frequently than I currently replace tampons - sometimes as often as every half hour - but that I can actually measure my blood loss. Does that sound totally weird?? I'm curious. Curious to know just how much I'm actually losing each month. I'm not getting that anaemic - HBC 11.2 (June) and Ferritin 12 - so therefore I can't be bleeding that much, right??

In order for a period to be considered heavy - according to the Mooncup website - one would be losing "80mls+ produced over the whole cycle". Will I be anywhere near that? I think so, knowing my tampon stats but we'll see.

I'm going to give it a go next period - in a week or so if my menstrual calendar is at all predictable, which it usually isn't!! I'm not entirely keen on the cleaning the cup out in the sink bit, or the squatting to get it in and out, or wearing it lower down the vagina than a tampon, or trying to remove it without spilling blood around like a chocolate fountain. But - I do like the idea of using less towels and tampons - from an environmental and economicental and mental point of view, I like the idea of accurately (if my hands are steady and the things not overflowing:) measuring my blood loss, and I like the idea of leaving it in and forgetting about it - maybe being able to walk into town and back without a public toilet dependency, maybe going swimming even??? It's possible apparently.

Wish me luck and send me bathroom cleaning products!

X

My Mooncup runneth over...

I have been given the opportunity to try a Mooncup.

I will use it and to log on my blog how I get on.

Have you heard of the Mooncup? I hadn't.

Do you know what it's for? I didn't.

Has anyone reading this ever tried one??

Please let me know how it was for you...

Who am I again?

Actually, it's not who am I?
Or where do I come from?
Or even - is there anyone out there?

It's more a case of mild curiosity and the Manx cat.

As an adopted person I have never felt any undeniable desires to trace my birth family. I was adopted at about 3 months old and have always felt totally happy and a part of that the family I grew up with. Mum and Dad told me from the very beginning of my memories that I was adopted and I never felt like I didn't know who I was. They made me a scrapbook to explain where I came from - how I'd flown over from the Isle of Man and how they'd come and picked me up from a children's home in Frodsham.


My brother who was also adopted had a different background and birth family to mine. He was adopted at the age of three and so had a history prior to coming to live with us. He never seemed as comfortable or settled in our extended family. He had been taken in and then rejected a number of times before coming to be with us and I believe that affected his ability to trust those who were supposed to care for him. I think he felt like he was obviously different and found it hard to accept this new family at face value. He looked into his background as a teenager and traced his birth family over time, becoming close to them and developing relationships - these weren't always easy but helped him understand himself I think. This in turn has perhaps led to an acceptance and appreciation of the parents and family that brought him up?

My lack of desire to find out about my birth family was purely a sign of my sense of belonging to my new family life and a happy childhood. We had a fair few problems to handle but I felt that I had a strong and loving family, dedicated to each other and of which I was very much a part.

When I hit 21 I remember thinking maybe now would be a good time to look into my past, where I came from. It was a milestone. I was in my final year at university and had plenty of family and friends to support my quest for information. However something stopped me moving from thought into action. That, thinking back, was Hepatitis C. I had found out in 1991 at the age of 17 that I had the virus and whilst it had not affected me at all and life was continuing as if I'd never heard of the virus, I felt like I couldn't look up my birth family and say:

"Hello, it's me, your long lost daughter - and by the way, not only have I got a severe bleeding disorder but I've also got hepatitis C - now you gonna make me a cup of tea or what . . ."

This was enough to put me off the idea and to get on with life and what that threw at me. Again there were no feelings of dissatisfaction or of incompleteness, I suppose I had other things on my mind.

This year I have again been having health problems, both bleeding and chronic fatigue. I have had more time off, which has given me time to think about my future and surprisingly this had led to me thinking about my past.

I've realised the longer I leave finding out about my birth parents, the lower the chances of finding them - who knows what's happened to them, where their lives have taken them over the years. It's not as simple as looking them up on the internet and getting an address and bobbing on round. Or is it?

I've acknowledged that I am curious about them. Purely in terms of - will there be any family resemblances? My adoptive family share many features and personality traits which link them together - I do miss that, is there someone out there with my nose? My dodgy sense of humour? Or in fact if I did find anyone would my upbringing have influenced my life so very much that we actually had very little in common - except for perhaps the nose?

The point is I don't know. And I'm coming to the realisation that I can actually find out if I put my mind to it. And it might take months, it might take years, but at least then the pieces will all have been fitted together - even if there are some missing and maybe I never want to do the jigsaw again.

Dream Ending?

We are standing outside a court building. The doorway is carved stone and dominates the building. There is a group of us. It's not clear who I'm with but it's not mum and dad or Ade, men I don't recognise.

Someone approaches through the doors to the court. He looks official, he is wearing a suit, carrying a folder. I recognise him but can't put a name to his face right now. He comes over to us. "The results are back", he says.

"What did they say?" someone asks.

"They are awarding compensation," he states.

There is a collective sigh of relief. The tension, which I had not noticed until now, dissipates.

He continues, "There are conditions. If you got the letter suggesting you might have received blood products contaminated with vCJD then you will be compensated. Otherwise not."

"What?" I am confused. "There were two letters, what if you got the other one - saying there was a risk of you getting vCJD from your treatment?"

"No compensation if you got that letter, only if you got the other one."

I ask, "What if you got the second letter but still go on to develop vCJD?"

"That won't happen," he responded. "According to the medical experts if you had received contaminated blood you would have been ill by now. Therefore you won't get ill in the future, so they have not made plans for long term compensation."

"That doesn't make any sense! Those who had the first letter aren't ill, so they obviously haven't got vCJD either! Why compensate some for the knowledge that they might have received it, but not others who have the same knowledge - when as you say neither group will actually get ill." My voice is raised, I bang my fist against my chest, "What about me!"

I feel dizzy and it seems the scene in front of me is receding at the speed of light. My vision goes black and I feel myself falling onto my knees. My head is down on the floor in front of me and my arms are wrapped around my head. I am wailing. Uncontrollably keening a lament. Mourning a death - I cannot stop. I hurt like I have been pierced with a shaft of light. I am being ripped apart on the pavement.

I force myself awake but the torment lingers on.

It's oh so quiet...

Hello there.

I am still here.
Still at home.
Still feeling exhausted most of the time.
Still bleeding heavily each month and in between.

I don't feel like there is much else to say, other than I'm still feeling rubbish, bleeding a fair bit and you've heard that before. So, not wishing to bore anyone I'll be quiet for a bit.

If you ask, I'll probly say I'm fine - I look well and it's tiring explaining the reality.

I do have lots to say about the inquiry that I've been determinedly attending, but I've not got the energy to write that up yet. I will get round to it. Along with all the other things I intend to get round to when I'm up to it. I'm not slacking, really I'm not. Ade will back me up. I'm just struggling to get on with anything right now. Even putting this on here feels like I'm moan moan moaning, which is the last thing I want, but I know you've been looking for an update.

Bear with me and normal service will be resumed - when my arse moves from neutral into first, when my body and brain bounce back from this, this ... just spent 20 minutes trying to come up with appropriate description and failed ... answers on a postcard please.

x

Hungover

Hurray I hear you cry!! Another photo of Ros with a bloody mush - woohoo!!

I'm hungover.

Not from quaffing too much bolly dahling, not from concocting one too many cocktails, not from swigging seven pints of Swinesheads finest lager but from a lovely, entirely sober, weekend away.

Last weekend I was in darkest Lincs at a Hepaptitis C Forum social shindig. It was something I've not done before - but as I have recently been introduced to the forum and have been hugely benefiting from the support, love and knowledge of the peeps on there - I thought that I'd try and make it up there to put faces to lots of weird and wonderful names.

It was a wonderful and relaxing weekend but still exhausting. I travelled partly by train and the rest with Jason who was driving up from London with another hepper called Wolfie. Not only the travelling but the chatting, eating and drinking of tea has thoroughly worn me out! You may just be able to tell by this photo taken on Monday morning. It's a hangover of the knackered non-alcoholic kind!!

I am feeling only partially recovered and could do with the rest of the week in bed but no, I'm off to London today. The reason for this madness is that the public inquiry into contaminated blood and blood products having its second day tomorrow and I'm determined to be there to support my fellow bleeders who are giving evidence. It should be fascinating.

Wish me luck and I'll let you know how I got on ...

xx