Friday 17 September 2010

HCV and Me - An Affair To Forget

You came into my life insidiously.
Like a demon you crawled under my skin,
through my veins and into the heart of me.

Unaware of the danger I plunged on,
not understanding what it was
I was introducing to myself.

You were there
from the very beginning,
intrinsically part of me.

But I knew nothing.
Ignorant of how you were taking over my body,
destroying my soul.

When, later on, I discovered you,
you blew me away.
Turned me upside down
dragged me inside out.
Possessing.
Obsessing.

Flung my life in an unexpected, unbalanced direction.
You exposed my dark and twisted self.
I was never to be the same.

I railed and fought to resist
the all encompassing nature 
of your poison.

Yet you clung to me,
weighing me down,
changing me,
infecting me,
draining me.

Now am I free of you?
Are you gone?
Have you left me, in peace?

Or still dangling,
turning like a body hanging from a tree,
waiting for the wind to pick me up
and play with me once again.

I hate you.
For the gifts you gave me.
The tumultuous emotional tornado,
the paralysing physical pain.

But you made me.
Who I am.
You are still hidden within.

There will always be a fragment of me
devoted to you.

Friday 10 September 2010

Bleed Hazards

As a type 3 von Willebrand, life is like a box of chocolates. One which has been sabotaged by an ex lover and is filled with poisoned soft centres and pebble filled truffles which will break your teeth.

Being a severe bleeder, activities which are undertaken without a second thought by a non bleeder, to me can be high risk activities. A high risk, that is, of causing bleeding or bruising.

This is my top 10 11 list of everyday, bleed inducing things:

Ferocious Fodder:
1.  Fruit - apple skin is one of the most efficient ways of getting a gum bleed. The safest way for me to eat an apple is to cut bite size chunks off with a very sharp knife... Don't worry, I wear Teflon gloves. Bananas can have the same effect if they are a little unripe, which is, of course how I like them.
2.  Puff pastry - the equivalent of eating razor blades, very dangerous to gums, tongue and inside cheeks. Ruins the enjoyment of a good pastry.
3.  Muffins - surprisingly risky - had 18 hours of gum action following a particularly chippy bit of chocolate in a muffin the other day.
4.  Sandwiches - a crusty roll has obvious dangers. Crusty bread equally so. However I have bled from an encounter with the softest fluffiest baps filled with only egg mayonnaise, perhaps it was the cucumber...

Personal Mean Hygiene:
5.  Tooth brushing - most common cause for me of gum and tongue bleeding. I've been told many times by many dentists that brushing more frequently will reduce the overall bleeding tendency - I can tell you I've put this thoroughly to the test and it's nonsense: more brushing = more bleeding - fact. I am still to try the Sonicare toothbrushes that have been recommended by a fellow bleeder - I will let you know how that goes...
6.  Flossing - not something I relish as this is akin to running wire thro mozzarella.
7.  Hair removal - waxing, plucking, epilating, even hair removal creams can cause anyone to bleed or bruise - with a type 3 von Willebrand this can be to very dramatic effect. Legs which turn purple upon waxing may be a little alarming for your beautician. My current preferred method of defuzzment - epilation - even post clotting factor treatment can leave my legs covered in petechiae. My first ever attempt to shave my legs as a naive teenager resulted in a blood soaked kitchen (I know, weird choice) and a cover story about dropping a knife and it impaling my shin - not sure that was ever actually believed!

Household Sore Chores:
8.  Painting - an activity I used to enjoy is now more risky due to a spot of ceiling painting which caused a shoulder bleed. This has weakened my shoulder and it has a tendency to bleed if used to decorate. No really, it does.
9.  Correspondance - writing letters, whilst now an old fashioned activity is also a hazardous one for me. Paper cuts from the writing paper is common and if you've had letters from me they may well have contained at least one of my bloody prints - I'm never gonna get away with murder, I'm far too forensically generous. Licking the envelope slices my tongue into strips. Stamps used to stick to my lips and rip them into bleeding. Owwee. Thank goodness for self adhesiving ones I say.

Medical Maladies:
10.  Plaster removal - luckily I'm not allergic to latex having such an aggressive plaster habit. However removing a plaster is in itself a dangerous job and whilst ripping it off in one smooth, swift motion is ideal from a pain point of view, it is a perfect way to cause post plaster bruising. Nice.
11.  Medic alert - it is ironic that a medic alert bracelet, worn continuously in case of emergency because it just might save my life, causes bruises and burns. If I lean on my hand and the bracelet is in the wrong place it bruises me, this most commonly occurs when I'm injecting clotting factor into that arm. When stirring a hot pan of food the bracelet heats up so quickly I don't notice until it's branding me with "Von Willebrands Disease (Type 3)". I suppose that's one way to avoid having to wear it in future...